


Beautiful To Me.

by lizibabes



Series: Angst Bingo [18]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Drug Use, Homophobia, M/M, Past Violence, Swearing, burn scars, drinking/drunkenness, past bullying, past deliberate harm, past physical harm, sex.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-09
Updated: 2012-03-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 17:17:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/359322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the angst bingo prompt physical imperfections, the Kinkbingo fill trust, #31 erection for smut_69, stress relief for 50 Reasons To Have Sex Fic Fest, burn for 10_hurt_comfort and writers choice/nipple play for 50kinkyways. Tommy doesn't talk about the past, Adam never knew why, didn't question it, till tonight, when the past comes back to haunt Tommy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful To Me.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Deals with some potentially trigger stuff, so read the warnings and if you read and think something should have been warned for and wasn't, tell me and I'll add it.

It's been a long time since they've had a hotel night and Adam had made the most of it by throwing a party in his room, some much needed stress relief, a lot of booze, a little weed and almost everyone has left, gone to crash in their own rooms. Only Tommy's left, sat on the floor next to Adam watching the huge TV that came with the room. They’re both a little drunk, a little high, but far from trashed, it hadn't been that kind of party. He's been thinking about kissing Tommy for the past ten minutes. Tommy never seems to mind making out with him, on stage or off, sober or drunk. He's trying to work out if Tommy's drunker than he is though, because he doesn't want to take advantage if he is. They kiss if they are both sober or both drunk, not if one of them is drunk and the other sober. Tommy trusts him not to take advantage and Adam never wants to abuse that trust.

　

　

He decides they’re probably equally drunk and cups Tommy's jaw in one hand, gently getting Tommy to turn to face him a little. He waits and Tommy licks his lower lip and then nods slowly and it's all the permission he needs. He brings their lips together, soft and sweet at first, but deepening quickly as arousal surges through his blood, making his cock harden until he has an erection trapped in his jeans; he's so easy when it comes to Tommy Joe. His cock hard and aching just from kissing him and if Tommy notices or cares, he doesn't say anything. Adam doesn't mean to, doesn't think about doing it, but he pushes till Tommy's sprawled out on the floor and Adam crawls over him, keeps kissing him and there is no way Tommy can't feel Adam's erection pressing in to his thigh, but he doesn't say anything, he just lets Adam keep kissing him. He's feeling so relaxed after a stressful week, so turned on that he can't help pushing a little, one hand coming up to rub at Tommy's nipple through the thin cotton material of his T-shirt. Tommy might be right to trust Adam not to take advantage of him if he's too drunk, but maybe he shouldn't trust Adam not to cross the line between them.

　

Kissing is fine, kissing is nice, friends can kiss, okay so most friends don't make out, but still, it's not a big deal. But he's rubbing his erection against Tommy and rubbing his nipple and that's walking all over the lines between them, but Tommy isn't complaining. When he pinches Tommy's nipple, he moans, body arching into Adam's and suddenly his eyes fly wide open. Tommy has an erection, he's as hard in his jeans as Adam is. Maybe he just really like's getting his nipples played with or when he'd said he only kissed guys, he lied. Adam trusts Tommy, he doesn't want to think Tommy lied to him, but it's hard to think about anything with Tommy's erection so close to his own. Deciding to push his luck and see how Tommy reacts he lifts up a little, grabbing the hem of Tommy's T-shirt so that he can strip it off him. Tommy lifts up, helping Adam strip his top off and Adam can't help but groan at the sight of all that pale flawless skin. He kisses Tommy hard on his pouty lips and then trails kisses down his neck, over his chest, till he reaches his nipples.

　

He sucks one into his mouth, his hand on the other. He licks, sucks and runs his teeth over the stiff peak under his mouth, fingers rubbing, nails scraping at the other. Tommy moans loudly, the sound no longer muffled by Adam's mouth and every single sound travels straight to Adam's erection, making him so hard behind his zipper that his jeans are getting more than a little uncomfortable. He can't stop touching Tommy long enough to do anything about it though. He can't believe the way Tommy is responding to Adam playing with his nipples and he wishes he'd gotten his mouth on Tommy's nipples sooner. He'd noticed the way Tommy had reacted when he tweaked Tommy's nipple on stage, hell plenty of people had noticed, so he should have known that Tommy was into this. He could do this forever, just to hear Tommy moan, just to know he's the one causing those sounds to come out of Tommy's mouth.

　

"Fuck, so good Adam, damn it." Tommy groans and Adam stops touching Tommy's nipple with his hand, but brings his mouth to that one instead. He slides his free hand down to Tommy's groin and runs the palm of his hand over Tommy's erection. He did that, he made Tommy hard. He has to wonder if Tommy ever got hard on stage when they played, the way Adam did. With his bass covering his groin, it's not like any of them would know. The idea of Tommy up on stage hiding an erection that Adam gave him makes something inside him feel oddly satisfied. He'd thought he was the only one really getting off on this weird thing between them. He'd thought Tommy really was just into kissing, didn't care about gender when it came to that. But he's all over Tommy, his touch nothing like a girl’s and Tommy is hard, he's getting off on it.

　

"Tommy." Adam says softly, his breath ghosting out over Tommy's nipple and he can feel as well as see Tommy shudder. He wishes he'd known Tommy liked having his nipples played with sooner, he'd have done this sooner. But tonight feels different somehow, finally getting a break from the stress and it just feels like the right time to cross some lines; it hadn't been the time before.

　

"Don't stop." Tommy complains, so Adam sucks his nipple back into his mouth, the skin hot and wet from his touch and Tommy starts squirming underneath him and Adam croaks on a moan. This, he never imagined tonight would go like this, Tommy desperate to get off, his cock hard and pressing into Adam as they lay together on the floor of his hotel room and he needs to get them both off, can't think of doing anything other than get them off.

　

He unzips Tommy's jeans, tries to shove his hand inside, but they’re too damn tight. Fuck, if he wants to get Tommy off, the jeans need to come off. He starts to tug them down, but then Tommy freezes and suddenly his hands are on Adam's, pulling them away, his movements jerky, almost panicked. Adam sits up, confused and a little worried by how fast Tommy is breathing, a little like he's gearing up to have a panic attack and Adam tries to think of what might be wrong. They've kissed before, he's felt Adam's erection against him before, so it's not those things. He was playing with Tommy's nipples long enough that it would make no sense for Tommy to just be freaking out. He doesn't even think it was him going for Tommy's dick, he hadn't minded when Adam had been groping his erection through his jeans or when he'd gone for Tommy's zipper, everything had been fine, till he'd tried to take off Tommy's jeans. He'd thought Tommy trusted him never to push their make out sessions too far and he had pushed tonight, but he wasn't going to try and fuck Tommy, he'd just wanted the jeans off to get at Tommy's dick, so he could get him off, but maybe that was still too much, pushing too far.

　

"Tommy?" Adam says softly, sitting up, so he's beside Tommy, not on top of him, backing off in case he wants or needs some space, but not backing off completely because he doesn't want Tommy to think he's abandoning him, bailing when shit gets a little hard.

　

"Sorry, I'm sorry, fuck, I'm sorry." Tommy mutters and he sounds it too, so sorry, like he's done something terrible by calling a halt to things when they were going too far to him. Adam doesn't want Tommy to ever think he has to be sorry for saying no to Adam, for slowing down or stopping things.

　

"Hay, baby, you did nothing wrong." Adam says, wrapping an arm around Tommy's shoulder, pleased when Tommy relaxes into his touch, he's not sure what he would have done if Tommy had stayed rigged in his arms.

　

"I trust you to tell me if I'm going too far. I never want to take more from you than you want to give." Adam says firmly.

　

"No, no, it wasn't that, wasn't you. Fuck Adam, you didn't do anything I didn't want." Tommy groans, head hanging, like he can't even look at Adam.

　

"I don't really understand then?" If he didn't do something wrong, then why did Tommy stop him.

　

"I just can't do that." Tommy mumbles. 

　

"You can't let me jerk you off?" Adam asks, because that's all he had in his head, using his hand or maybe his mouth to make Tommy come. Most people wouldn't turn down an orgasm, but then Tommy isn't most people and Adam never expects him to react a certain way because he knows it's unlikely that he will. He likes that Tommy is different, but right now he wishes he was easier to read, because Adam is clueless about what is going on here.

　

"I didn't want to take my jeans off." Tommy sighs.

　

"Why not?" Adam asks, because he's honestly baffled. 

　

"I, I don't know if I can talk about this." Tommy says in such a small voice, that Adam has to pull him in to a proper hug. He's worried, he's never heard Tommy sounds like that before.

　

"Baby you can trust me, whatever it is you can trust me." He means it, he doesn't care if Tommy never wants him to touch him again, he'd rather have Tommy's friendship than have friends with benefits, but Tommy not trust him. He cares too much to just turn his back when Tommy's hurting just because his dick isn't getting what it wants.

　

"You won't get mad?" Tommy asks, leaning back so he's looking Adam dead in the eye. Adam can't help noticing the pink skin around his nipples, skin flushed from Adam's mouth and hand.

　

"Why would I get mad?" He's not about to get pissed because Tommy likes kissing guys and nipple play, but doesn't want more, he's not that guy.

　

"Because I've hid stuff and lied." Tommy sighs.

　

"Tommy, if you've lied to me, I trust you had a good reason for it. I know you wouldn't lie to be cruel or just to deceive me, you’re not that person, I know you’re not." He knows he isn't wrong to trust Tommy, he's sure he isn't.

　

"Fuck, I have scars, on the inside of my thighs, burn scars. I freaked because I didn't want you to see them. I've always found ways to sleep with people without them showing. Lights off or clothes on and I've never been with anyone long enough for them to start asking questions. But it's light in here and I just knew I couldn't be with you, date you or anything without you wanting to see all of me eventually. So I lied about liking guys, I've not been with many, but I'm not straight and I'm so fucking sorry for lying." Tommy blurts out and Adam just hugs him again.

　

"How did you get burnt there, baby? You know it doesn't matter to me if you’re not perfect. I want you, if you want me, you can have me, it's that simple. I don't need you to be perfect." Adam admits, cards on the table, because if Tommy's bearing his soul, it's only fair he admits to wanting Tommy as more than a friend. He tries to imagine Tommy's legs, skin pale like the skin on his chest, stomach, but with scars, imperfections that he's not let anyone he's been with see. He can't picture it.

　

"But they’re ugly." Tommy mutters, not answering any of Adam's questions.

　

"Trust me when I say, that no matter what your thighs look like, that you are beautiful to me and you always will be. Please trust me Tommy, show me your scars, the burns, tell me how you got them, because I know it has to be something big if you didn't tell any of us." Adam sighs, his mind coming up with all crazy theories about how Tommy got scars on his thighs. He's seen Tommy in shorts, the burns, they can't be below the knee, so Tommy's not had a hard time hiding them before, because Adam hadn't gone for his dick before, because he'd never noticed Tommy getting an erection around him.

　

"I guess it's easier to show you and then explain." Tommy says in a small voice.

　

His hands are shacking when they go to the button of his jeans, so badly that he fumbles the button, can't get it open and Adam's heart sinks. Tommy isn't some vein drama queen; if he's reacting like this, he has reason to. Adam reaches out, his hands gentle as he gets Tommy to stop fighting with his jeans and takes over. He undoes the button and pulls down the zipper. He's imagined unzipping Tommy's jeans a thousand times, but never like this. He lets Tommy take over after that, wiggling his way out of his skinny jeans and as he tugs them off and throws them to one side, Adam can't see what imperfection has Tommy not wanting to have sex with anyone in the light of day. But then Tommy pushes up the material of his boxers and Adam sees them, burn scars on the insides of both of Tommy's thighs; small round burns, not too raised, skin a little shiny. They look like cigarette burns, dozens of cigarette burns and Adam feels sick. Not because they’re that ugly, they are a hardly noticeable imperfection; no, he feels sick because he doesn't think there is anyway Tommy got those by accident.

　

He reaches out to touch them, but stops when Tommy flinches; it's clear he really thinks the burns are something he should hide. Adam doesn't think that, Tommy's still beautiful and Adam wishes he could make him see that.

　

"What happened?" Adam asks, voice feeling rough, like he's been gargling with rusty nails, instead of sitting silently beside Tommy while Tommy got out of his jeans.

　

"I made a stupid mistake in high school. There was a guy, big closet case. But not just in the not ready to come out way, he was really homophobic, a total asshole. But I trusted him anyway, because he said he was just that way because he was afraid." Tommy sighs, rubbing a hand over his face.

　

"He burned you?" Adam asks, he can't image trusting someone only to have your trust abused like that. He's surprised Tommy can even trust anyone after something like that.

　

"We'd been fooling around after school, after his football practice one day, we were under the bleachers. I blew him and then he told me to take my jeans off, so he could blow me. He'd never done that to me, but I trusted him. Some of his friends showed up. He'd planned it with them. I have no idea what he'd told them. But they pinned me down." Tommy's voice breaks and Adam wraps his arm around him tighter. He feels sick with rage. Tommy had his trust betrayed when he was no more than a kid and he got hurt, burned by someone he'd trusted with his body.

　

"He lit up and started burning me with the cigarette. It hurt so much, but they all held me down. I screamed and one of them hit me, said I'd die if I didn't shut up and I believed them. They were all saying shit, but he didn't say anything, he just burned me, over and over. I passed out from the pain and when I woke up, they were gone and I was shocked to be alive." Tommy says, his fingers skimming over the old burns on his thighs.

　

"Please tell me they went to jail?" Adam asks.

　

"The football team verse some punk kid, metal head. Trouble maker, bad kid, what do you think?" Tommy says, sounding bitter in a way Adam has never heard him.

　

"But you had evidence, the burns." Adam pointed out.

　

"Didn't you know, Adam? Us fags are such freaks in the bedroom that I let someone do this to me. Burn me and then I just lied so my parents wouldn't realize what kind of sicko I was. I just lied to get them in trouble, because I didn't like them." Tommy spits out.

　

"Please tell me the police didn't say that to you?" He's heard of it happening, but he's never had any negative dealings with cops himself, no homophobia.

　

But the look Tommy gives him says it all, they did say that to him and the men who burned him went unpunished. He probably had to go to school and see his attackers every day. Adam can't even imagine having to go through that. He's not sure if back in high school, he would have been able to cope with an assault like that and the aftermath.

　

"I stopped trusting people for a long time after that. And I tried to bulk up so I could defend myself. I only gave up on that when some of my friends made me see that not everyone's out to hurt me. I learned to trust people again, but it doesn't come easy for me. Mike and Dave know what happened, but they haven't seen the scars. Not many people have." Tommy sighs.

　

"Fuck Tommy, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I don't blame you for not being able to trust me. An attack like that would affect anyone, but it was worse, because you thought he cared about you. I'm so glad you trust me, though." Adam says softly, he's seen people burn themselves accidentally on cigarettes before, the smell of burnt flesh, burnt hair, the hiss of pain. And Tommy was burned on the tender skin towards the insides of his thighs and Adam guesses the cigarettes were held to Tommy's skin for more than a second or two.

　

"So now you know the whole ugly truth." Tommy sighs and Adam doesn't even hesitate, just cups Tommy's jaw and kisses him firmly on the mouth, licking his way inside and after a few minutes, winding down the kiss slowly so he can talk, his erection already coming back, just from one kiss.

　

"You are beautiful to me. The burns don't make you ugly. Just because you’re not perfect, doesn't make you ugly, people aren't meant to be perfect." Adam says firmly, resting one of his hands on Tommy's thigh, right over the burn scars.

　

"You still want to be with me?" Tommy asks, eyes wide, like he thinks someone would reject him over a few burn scars, Adam hopes nobody could be that shallow.

　

"Yes, I want to be with you more than I've ever wanted anyone." Adam says honestly. He's wanted Tommy for a long time; a few burns aren't going to change that. He only hopes that one day he'll get Tommy to see how beautiful he is. He wishes he could show Tommy how Adam saw him, because imperfections or not, Tommy was beautiful.

　

Tommy kisses him and Adam's surprised, because he's normally the one to start things between them, but he goes with it, doesn't break the kiss till Tommy moves, climbing into Adam's lap, straddling him so they are groin to groin, erection to erection.

　

"Tommy, fuck I want to get off with you so bad, but I don't want to rush this and risk you regretting it." It would break his heart to be someone Tommy Joe regretted; he's not sure his heart could even take that.

　

"Telling you all that shit was stressful, what better stress relief for the both of us than an orgasm?" Tommy asks, wicked smile curving his mouth up.

　

"Believe me, I want to, but I need to know you really want this. I can't play games with you, can't do casual or regrets. You’re too important to me." Adam admits, even as his hand is sliding up between them to tweak Tommy's nipple, which makes Tommy squirm, his erection grinding alongside Adam's and pleasure rolls through Adam's body, making his blood sizzle.

　

"I trust you, I trust when you say you look at me and see something beautiful. I think I could forget the burns are even there when you’re touching me. Because if you don't care about them, well, it's easier for me not to care. It's more than stress relief and I want more than tonight. But right now, I want to get off with you. I hate talking about the burns. I want to feel something good." Tommy says, his arms around Adam's neck, keeping their bodies close, their hard cocks pressed together.

　

"You trust me?" He feels special, because Tommy doesn't trust easily and Adam doesn't blame him for that after seeing his burns and finding out how he got them. Having their trust betrayed like that would make anyone wary of trusting again.

　

"Yeah, normally it takes me a long time to trust people, even though it's been years since I got burned. But I trusted you right from the start, there was just something about you." Tommy says and then he presses a soft kiss to Adam's lips and Adam lets it deepen into something a little wetter, hotter, but still sweet.

　

"Maybe stress relief is a good idea." Adam says as the kiss ends, pinching Tommy's nipple just to hear him gasp.

　

"Really good idea." Tommy agrees, rolling his hips so that his erection rubs over Adam, nothing but a layer of denim and cotton between them. With one hand he cups Tommy's ass, rocking their bodies together as he gets a good feel of Tommy's ass. His trapped erection is painful, but he grinds up anyway, pulls Tommy back into a kiss then gets a hand back on Tommy's chest, travelling between each nipple, tugging, stroking, pinching, making Tommy moan into his mouth.

　

They’re making out and grinding and Adam thought he'd grown out of the dry humping stage, but it feels so good, his cock, hard and trapped pressing against Tommy's, kisses turning dirty as they push each other closer and closer to the edge. He never thought he'd really get to be with Tommy like this, he's fantasized, but it can't beat the real thing. Tommy warm and willing in his lap, pliant, his body melting into Adam's like he wants to be so close that they become one person. He keeps teasing Tommy's nipples as they kiss deeply, hungrily and it makes him wonder if Tommy would be in to trying nipple clamps. Tommy had said he wanted more than this one time, so maybe they'll get to try that out, that and anything else he can think of. Adam's pretty open minded and if he's ever going to try things, he wants it to be with Tommy, because he trusts Tommy to tell him what he does and doesn't like, to be honest and explore with him. It's not about what Adam wants, it's about both of them.

　

"Adam, please, so close, need more, give me something, please." Tommy groans against his lips, before pressing his face into Adam's neck, hot breath on his neck making him shiver for some reason. He's a little overwhelmed, but he knows he wants this. He's wanted it for a long time. 

　

He finally takes his hand off of Tommy's chest, leaving his nipples alone in favour of rubbing at Tommy through his boxers even as he keeps rolling his hips, kisses Tommy again because he can't get enough of his mouth. Tommy whimpers and the sound goes straight to Adam's hard cock. He decides to stop teasing, unzips himself and gets his dick out, gets Tommy's out as well so that their erections are in the space between them. He wraps a hand around both of them and starts jerking them off. If this is how Tommy de-stresses then Adam is more than happy to help him with it any time. They are both too far gone for slow, so Adam jacks them hard and fast, kiss turning sloppy as they both race toward the edge, until they are more breathing into each other’s space, gasping against each other’s mouths as Adam pumps his fist, tries to make it good.

　

Tommy comes first, babbling gibberish that Adam thinks might include his name, but he's too focused on Tommy's face as he comes, so beautiful and the warmth spilling over his hand, slicking up both of their cocks as he keeps working his erection, so close to the edge that he can taste it. He lets go of Tommy when he thinks his touch on Tommy's dick might be painful and Tommy's hand joins Adam's on Adam's dick, helping him jerk off and he's so close that the sight of Tommy's hand on his cock, the feel of it, pushes him over the edge. He yells out more than he moans and he definitely calls Tommy's name as he comes.

　

He's pleased when Tommy cuddles closer instead of pulling away. He thinks maybe he would have died if Tommy got up and walked away now. They do have to get up and clean up and he sees Tommy hesitate, like he's going to try and cover the burns, but he doesn't, he just looks at Adam shyly and Adam has to kiss him. The burns are an imperfection that do not bother him. He wishes Tommy hadn't gone through the pain, the betrayal of his trust, but he doesn't care about the way Tommy's scars look. Tommy will always be beautiful to him.

　

The End.


End file.
